In 2001 i was working for a company that came down hard with a new WET WASTE policy. Someone got a notice telling them off for putting something damp in their bin.
What i did after they got this first notice, was write up the one below and pop it on their desk.
I also rewrote the policy in detail and posted it around the office. It was in the same font as the Original. It caused both confusion and giggles.
I got into trouble for this but I didn’t give a shit then and i only just found the documents now so I had a laugh.
Waste Management Policy
It was noticed that your bin contained either recyclable
staples or wet medical waste, and in accordance with
COMPANY-X Policy, we should not empty it. However, given
that the policy is bizarre, your bin was
emptied on this occasion. Please note that it was emptied
into your desk drawer.
We trust that in future your waste will be deposited in the
appropriate receptacles. We will be pleased to suggest
where you should put your rubbish if you are in any doubt.
A copy of the COMPANY -X Waste Management Policy is attached
for your information.
New Waste Management at YZX Street
COMPANY X is committed to providing its employees with a safe and healthy environment. However, it is important to remember that we all have certain responsibilities in keeping our own desk area clean under the new regime.
Wet waste will now apply to tissues and other bodily fluids. You must use the toilet facilities to dispose of used tissues. For your convenience, we have also provided sharps containers in every toilet cubicle.
Personal bins will not be emptied at all. We are attempting to phase out personal bins and therefore encourage you to take them home and not bring them back. They are useful for growing daffodils in, but you must punch holes in the bottom for drainage, first.
Wet waste includes:
Anything that can become wet.
Includes paper, food wrappers, food, staples.
Teflon has been placed into a ‘quasi-wet waste’ category, and will be considered as wetable for our purposes.
Recyclable paper is important only to hippies, and as we are not hippies, we do not consider recycling important.
For this reason, lights and computers must remain switched on for 24 hours, and the use of ceramic coffee cups will be banned. We will be supplying polystyrene cups as of Monday.
All desks will be removed and sold to fund the end of year Christmas Party, so ensure that you retain a box to keep your computer on.
Accidents will be acceptable only during core business hours. If you require cleaning up of coffee spills or blood loss, you should keep some spray-n-wipe in your desk.