Yearly Horoscope – Sagittarius

So it’s half a dude, holding a projectile weapon, with the rest of him a horse. Which seems really odd to me, because that’s like a mounted Calvary. You should have your archers STATIONARY as they have the ability to PROJECT their weapons at the enemy, and then your CALVARY should charge in and ruin everyone by stomping on them. The weapon of the Sagittarius should be a pike, or a hammer, or something that it can gallop up to someone and smash them with and gallop off again.  It’s pointless combining the too. Not good design at all.

I dunno. Olden-days people made a lot of utter shit up, didn’t they.

Oooh predictions. Um, you’ll drop your bow and arrow if you have to go into battle but you will be able to give a lift to King Richard III and that might mean that Bosworth ends very differently.

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Yearly Horoscope – Sagittarius

Yearly Horoscope – Capricorn

Hah! Bet you didn’t expect this to be second last. Capricorns are often last and they are ok with that because it’s like when you have a plate full of dinner and you save the best mouthful for the end.

Like, the pork cracking (assuming it’s been cooked it well and it’s not chewy, that’s the worst, isn’t it?). Or, say, on a salad, if you have a chunk of feta cheese that you just wait and wait for and whammo, it’s last, and it almost makes up from the chore of having to eat boring salad!

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Yearly Horoscope – Capricorn

Yearly Horoscope – Scorpio

Scorpios look really good in leather face mask things. No, wait, that’s Scorpius, from Farscape. Have you seen Farscape? What a great show.

Scorpios are named for chitinous insects that snap at and bite you. I don’t know why if they have a star sign called Scorpio they don’t have one called Mosquito. That would be a great astrology sign to predict for. “You will continue to have no friends and be annoying and whiny well into the next year. And Beyond!”

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Yearly Horoscope – Scorpio

Yearly Horoscope – Libra

If I had to weigh things up, I’d say Librans were the most well balanced of the astrological signs.

….I made myself chuckle, and really, that’s what I’m here for. In fact often I am so caught up in my own cleverness that I totally forget what I’m on about. Oh yeah, astrological signs. Those things.

Um. Libra.

Well, for a start, you have a place named after you that is full of books, so probably means you’re all wise.

What? Oh, that’s a Library. Well that’s awkward.

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Yearly Horoscope – Libra

Yearly Horoscope – Virgo

Virgos are repressed and exacting. Sort of like Incels. Are all Incels Virgos? I’d ask them but I assume they’d just sneer and call me a Chad or a Stacey or possibly a normie. If you’re on this page and reading this, it should be quite obvious that I’m not a normie. But perhaps I don’t understand the terminology well enough.

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Yearly Horoscope – Virgo

Yearly Horoscope – Cancer

Cancers are crabs and so they are usually crabby. You can tell someone who is crabby by how they respond to normal everyday pleasantries.

For example, if you ask a Pisces if you can have one of their bits of uneaten bacon, they may reply, “It’s not unwanted, I’m saving it to last. I like bacon.” See how easy that was. Breakfast continues in peace, there is no loss of friendship. Everyone knows where they stand.

But if you ask a Cancerian the same question they are more likely to respond “Go away, you! This is my bacon! Get your own!”  And then they will shun you for two days and refer to you under their breath as a bacon thief. EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T ACTUALLY TAKE THEIR BACON!

Cancers, you need to consider your life choices, and understand why you have no friends.

Yearly Horoscope – Cancer

Yearly Horoscope : Leo

Leos get a very roar deal from life, so I’ve heard. Being forced to eat grubby wildebeast and live in packs where the head dude yells at and excludes all the other dudes and all the women are like, whatever.

Wait, that’s Lions. I often forget what the difference is between the character in the symbol and the actual reality of what a horoscope is, that is of course,  a made-up description based on a nonsensical set of values with arbitrary values and meanings, that some people really get into.

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Yearly Horoscope : Leo