Scorpios look really good in leather face mask things. No, wait, that’s Scorpius, from Farscape. Have you seen Farscape? What a great show.

Scorpios are named for chitinous insects that snap at and bite you. I don’t know why if they have a star sign called Scorpio they don’t have one called Mosquito. That would be a great astrology sign to predict for. “You will continue to have no friends and be annoying and whiny well into the next year. And Beyond!”

I truly truly wonder how people can stand to write daily horoscopes. Perhaps that is why they are called horoscopes, because this is a horrifying thing to try to do. To entirely make up something every day that Mitch from IT and Janice from Accounts will read and change the way they live their freaking lives over. I wonder how many people have made utterly horrific (horo-ific) life choices based on what they have read in a Horoscope?

Perhaps if you’re the sort of person who makes life choices based on a small line in a paper then you will just inevitably make horrible life choices and there is really no saving you.

Scorpios! Your significant other is probably cheating on you, so you should renounce all your worldly goods and go and work in a cat or dog adoption centre.

Tell me how you get on.