Yearly Horoscope – Taurus

I grew up with a brother who was assigned Taurus at birth and so I am wary of you Taurus types. I know what you are like and I’m right to look askance at you all.

You:

  • Cheat at monopoly because you’re the race car and the race car gets to drive past ‘go to jail’ and also drives past the streets that your siblings own so you don’t have to pay rent
  • Cheat at chess by telling me the white set have more moves and can do more and you always play the white set so your siblings always lose. Ok now I think about it this is totally woke and you Taurans clearly have a very real sense of White Privilege and were teaching your siblings a lesson that white people have it way better for no reason at all.
  • Hit your siblings all the time  and rip their jigsaws in half
  • Write things like ‘Moylen was here’ on the wall in texta and then say your sibling has done it and get angry when parents don’t believe you (possibly because your sibling had not learned to write yet)
  • Hang your siblings toys by the feet up over their bed at night and tell sibling the toys screamed all night and then NOT LET THEM BE CUT DOWN
  • Tell sibling your teddy bear needs an operation and take over half of their pocket money for year to pay for it.  Hrm again, you are pretty woke, this is a good example of teaching a small child how taxes and healthcare works.

So really, what I’m saying to those Bull headed Taurans who come to this page, you probably deserve whatever miserable life you have for tormenting your sibling.

 

Yearly Horoscope – Taurus

When is it ok to talk about your kids to friends without kids?

Ask Moylen Green, your agony Ent, for the latest hints and tips on ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF.

Rod M, sometimes manager and never architect, has asked me the following:

“When is it ok to talk about your kids to friends without kids?”

Having a child triggers a well known mechanism known as The Baby Alien Switch. When someone has a child, their brain and persona is removed (the method of removal has yet to be studied) and replaced with an alien that inhabits their body. The alien seems to be them – it has their body, after all, but all it does is think and talk about their offspring.

Continue reading “When is it ok to talk about your kids to friends without kids?”

When is it ok to talk about your kids to friends without kids?

An ode to Brenden

Ahhh. Brenden the Broflake who I didn’t even argue with on the internet. I just didn’t. He came in swinging, howling, being hurt. My not arguing was thus invalidating him in whatever position it was he was upholding (no one from that conversation actually knows).  I didn’t argue. I was obtuse. I didn’t respond to him at all. I did wow dog meme his nonsense.

Here are his very own words about me – as I cast them back to him in prose. I hope you appreciate it more than he did. There was a deeply lyrical quality to his insults and the things he made up. I am just sad he deleted his really good stuff before I got it copied…. Very prose. Such Sook. Wow.

Also, he kept threatening to flounce off, and yet did not. I was much dissapoint.

Continue reading “An ode to Brenden”

An ode to Brenden

Corporate Hijinks

In 2001 i was working for a company that came down hard with a new WET WASTE policy. Someone got a notice telling them off for putting something damp in their bin.

What i did after they got this first notice, was write up the one below and pop it on their desk.

I also rewrote the policy in detail and posted it around the office. It was in the same font as the Original. It caused both confusion and giggles.

I got into trouble for this but I didn’t give a shit then and i only just found the documents now so I had a laugh.

Continue reading “Corporate Hijinks”

Corporate Hijinks