Yearly Horoscope – Sagittarius

So it’s half a dude, holding a projectile weapon, with the rest of him a horse. Which seems really odd to me, because that’s like a mounted Calvary. You should have your archers STATIONARY as they have the ability to PROJECT their weapons at the enemy, and then your CALVARY should charge in and ruin everyone by stomping on them. The weapon of the Sagittarius should be a pike, or a hammer, or something that it can gallop up to someone and smash them with and gallop off again.  It’s pointless combining the too. Not good design at all.

I dunno. Olden-days people made a lot of utter shit up, didn’t they.

Oooh predictions. Um, you’ll drop your bow and arrow if you have to go into battle but you will be able to give a lift to King Richard III and that might mean that Bosworth ends very differently.

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Yearly Horoscope – Sagittarius

Yearly Horoscope – Capricorn

Hah! Bet you didn’t expect this to be second last. Capricorns are often last and they are ok with that because it’s like when you have a plate full of dinner and you save the best mouthful for the end.

Like, the pork cracking (assuming it’s been cooked it well and it’s not chewy, that’s the worst, isn’t it?). Or, say, on a salad, if you have a chunk of feta cheese that you just wait and wait for and whammo, it’s last, and it almost makes up from the chore of having to eat boring salad!

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Yearly Horoscope – Capricorn

Yearly Horoscope – Gemini

As a Gemini you tend to spend your entire life seeing things in double. This can either mean you’re always a bit drunk, or perhaps you have an astigmatism in your eyes. If it’s the first you should consider drinking less, perhaps go onto some other drugs. Try Nitrous Oxide, for example (say NO2 to the hard drugs!). If it’s the second, I can recommend a good Optometrist who will prescribe you glasses.

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Yearly Horoscope – Gemini

Yearly horoscope – Aries

Congratulations! Not only are you born under the sign that is impossible to spell from memory, you’re also represented by a ram. I bet that made you popular in the school yard.
I think the Chinese have better zodiac symbols. At least some of them, they also have a goat/sheep.  I didn’t think that statement through, did I. I wonder if there is goat crossover between the astrological and the Chinese Zodiac? I guess if a Chinese sheep and an astrology sheep combined, it would be a one-month-every-twelve-years thing. That would surely be super special, right?

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Yearly horoscope – Aries