What does 2018 bring for you?

You are a water sign, thus you have wrinkly fingers and toes. It’s gross, don’t touch me with them.

If anyone wants a drink you are obliged to bring it to them, it’s your job after all. You are best fitted in 2018 to be a waiter, an agriculturist, or a toilet cleaner – anything really where fluids are transported. You should definitely invest in comfortable shoes this year because you’ll be on your feel all day, trudging around doing menial labor that a good automated system could do in half the time. Don’t worry though, automation is coming and you’ll be out of a job before you know it.

2018 sees the rising of the star in a bit of the sky that wasn’t around ten thousand years ago and that means that you are going to probably going to end up dropping things a lot this year because the other bit of the sky that we think of as normal, appears to drop. It doesn’t really go anywhere, it’s just where our galaxy is in relation to other galaxies and what we can see from earth, but really that has some sort of impact on your health, wealth and love life.

Speaking of your love live, if you hooked up with an earth sign, you’d get all muddy. So go for that! Anyone born in the year of the pig would think that was a bit of all right. Probably avoid a Monkey, they like to fling poo when angered, the last thing you want is to mix your water with poo unless you are a cow and you have a mud-hut you want to plaster.  Cow poo makes a really good hut render, all that fibre.

Not looking great for wealth this year unless you’re one of those 1%-ers, but I doubt you would be reading this blog if you had unlimited wealth. If you are, how about flinging some my way and publishing my novel for me? I’ve nearly finished editing it again.

Health wise, well, you’re a human. If you get old your skin will wrinkle and your hair will lose it’s colour, also young people will overlook you as a sexual partner unless you happen also to be a 1%-er, in which case I’m sure you could be their sugar daddy or sugar momma.

Try to avoid saying stupid and offensive things unless you want to get into an internet fight.