In the context of “I am going through my folder marked ‘stories’ and finding short stories I have written that are not dreadful, but by no means are they great, and publishing them because why not”- I give you this one from 2005. I do not remember writing this at all.
Andy the Ant
Andy the Ant was very much liked by his friends who lived in The Cupboard, but they all agreed that he was a little odd.
“I’m not odd!” he argued with Zen the Butterfly, while sticking his shoes to his feet with a bit of adhesive tape.. “This is perfectly normal. I just broke my shoelaces, and my shoes keep falling off.”
Continue reading “Andy the Ant -a short story from 2005”
I wrote a lot of stories about Colin the Weevil, including a novella, which I may actually tidy up and publish. I have illustrated some of the stories I’ve written – occurs to me I’ve never published any of it. Huh. Must get on that.
This was the story that started it. Again, 1999 or so. Based on Colin and Andy, who I clearly was hanging out a lot with back then.
Colin the Weevil
Colin was a weevil who lived in the Flour Barrel in the Kitchen Cupboard.
He was obsessed with flour.
Continue reading “Colin the Weevil -a short story”
AAAAAnd I’m gonna put this behind a cut, as it’s gross.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
I remember writing this (1999?) and I remember being really happy with it. Now I share it with the internet, perhaps foolishly.
Arthur Berth the After Birth
Arthur Berth came from very humble beginnings. Mr and Mrs Berth worked in a refuse reclamation facility in Notting Hill.
Continue reading “Arthur Berth the After Birth – a short story”
This was based on a manager I particularly despised when I worked in the trains.
John the Dung beetle
John liked being a dung beetle.
He smoked a dung pipe. He slept in dung. He lived in dung. He had the personality of dung.
One day he got eaten by a cow, and was turned into dung.
It suited him immensely.
Another Angus Oblong style short surreal story. Murry was my friend’s nickname and I have no idea about the rest of the context.
Murry the Puddle
Murry was a small, dark puddle.
It would sit in gutters all day and splash you as you walked past it.
It listened to boy bands.
Continue reading “Murry the Puddle – a short story from 1999”
I am often baffled by things I have written in my past. This would have been written around 1999 based on some other context that came with the print out. I would have written this directly after having just read Creepy Susie and 13 other tales for Troubled Children, by Angus Oblong. It’s pretty much in that style. I have quite a few of these.
I actually have bought art from Angus Oblong, I have a pair of matching portraits that I have over my dresser in my room, and I bought a cat painting, actually for Kellie.. It’s surreal and fun.
Kellie the crypt-ghost.
Kellie died a very unpleasant death.
It made her cross.
Continue reading “Kellie the Crypt Ghost – a short story”
I found this bit of prose written on the back of a tram conductor’s pay-in slip. I therefore know it was written in the winter of 1996, I guess I probably wrote this when I was bored in a tram, as tended to happen a LOT. I have no memory of it, or of why I wrote it, other than I expect there was some sort of discussion about vegetarianism at the time, and I have a friend called Zik – knowing me it was in response to a certain incident and I was mocking him somehow. I would have been a vegetarian when I wrote it.
A man called Zik, walking down the lane
Held lentils in his hand
He stopped and exclaimed out loud
“Oh, wouldn’t it be grand! –
If these lentils were just like magic beans
And if I threw them over there
They grew and grew and grew and grew
And formed a magic stair!”
Continue reading “Pulse Magic – prose, written 22 years ago”
I have published Crash Space via smashwords!
“Rusel is a bisexual, non-binary nerd, who just wants to have a good time and coast through a life filled with sex, role-playing, and pranks. It’s a great shock then to find that someone dislikes them enough to attempt murder.
Who does Rusel know who would dislike them enough to kill? What on earth could be the motive? Could it be one of the housemates or an ex partner with a grudge?
Rusel downplays their impact on other’s lives, and navigates a life filled with parties, social events, drugs, complicated housemate relationships, and jokes gone awry. Motives are exposed and must be dealt with before the next attempt is made.”
Some things I want to say about this novel:
This story evolved a lot since it’s inception in something like 2010 and I worked on it on and off for years; to be honest I changed in a lot of my viewpoints from 6 year-ago-me to now-me. Largely I realised how ingrained misogyny was in my reading and thinking habits (despite me thinking I was a bit of a feminist). I rewrote so much of this to make it not like that.
Continue reading “Crash Space – a modern Novel”
In Relation to us
I would not take the cup from times’ hand that would lead me back to my past
So that I may choose again, choose the path leading from strife and pain
That for moments in my time made me insane; overall, I gained.
Continue reading “In relation to us – a poem”
Money and Power, power and money, is a cycle that the self absorbed
And obsessed like you who weave that narrative around your life. You lie
so naturally you are believed for why would someone so full of the will to succeed
need to lie? It’s all a lie and a cycle of lies proceed you.
Continue reading “You Failed – a poem”